4.13.2009

Deviating


Running swiftly in perfect harmony with unawareness, trying to underestimate my inescapable addiction, asking, analyzing words as they disappear, questioning things that have not yet happened, ending loves that never started, wishing to know, collecting unforgettable memories tied to this morning of incoherent suppositions, avoiding the obvious, observing time, obstructed and almost asphyxiated by doubt,

I agree, I woke up thinking about a nonexistent existentialism, thinking about an amalgam of empty spaces as they bring this unhealthy sensation that puts together a bogus smile, making conclusions without sense, thinking, believing, creating thoughts out of nothing, looking for reason without logic, obstructing the path towards a forgotten reality, getting used to subtleties hoping to find some brief answer, answers that run in the sandy foolishness of verses that turn the dismantled calumny into nonsense.


Your mom goes to college.

woah, I was back 3 months ago. I figure the title would make you at least read this... but is certainly unrelated to the actual context :P

1.12.2009

Like usual

I am back, well sort of.

Hi.

6.30.2008

Guayaba


Cada vez que siento el sabor delirar en mi boca, me recuerdo mi niñez. Pero no entiendo, no recuerdo ser un amante de la guayaba, ni me gustaba tanto. Pero luego caí, no era el sabor, fue la fruta, fue la mata de guayaba en casa de Juan Francisco, esos recuerdos me hacen sentir tan vivo y levantarme tan animado, con tantas ganas (sin importar mis sueños aventurosos). Hoy me he levantado con el espíritu levantado, con grandes ganas de mirar adelante y caminar todo ese camino sin final. Gracias a Dios por la guayaba, gracias a Dios por mi niñez.

Toda las veces que pienso tanto en mi pasado tan feliz, sin pensar en las miles preguntas de dudas, solo pensando en mis metas y en lo que quiero no en la ligera razón de que puede que no consiga lo que quiero, solo pensar en la situación de que no es lo que quiero la motivación si no lo que tengo y la manera en que voy a llegar (o tratar de llegar)

5.07.2008

Junot Diaz – Drown

I mention this book to G. yesterday, I wrote a research/essay about it back in 05' so I found it. And here it is.





Junot Diaz, writer born in the Dominican Republic and then immigrated with his family to the United States. Diaz is not just a writer but also a literature teacher first in Syracuse University and currently in MIT. His career started with the publication of “Ysrael” one of the story that compose his book “Drown”, book which made him famous as a new writer he as well “has been hyped as the next young gun of American fiction.” (Spillman) “Drown” is mainly 10 stories about Diaz life, from being a fatherless child in the Dominican Republic to being part of an immigrant family struggling in the look for a better life. The book goes thru topics as; relationships, sex, identity and drugs. The stories which various are related by theme, biographical order and characters are mainly focused in life as an immigrant, the before and after it, his sorrows, his family, his love life and him going thru life unnoted. Diaz shows the issues in a completely factual manner, and in order to do this he uses an uncomplicated language although he uses Spanish words that are impossible to convert from one language to another and also chooses words with much freedom since he does not mind using profanity. Diaz uses real life experiences of the day by day living which makes the book so attention-grabbing and encourages the reader to keep reading until the end of it, which happened not just to me “Once you pick up 'Drown', you won't be able to surface back to your world until you've had the pleasure of reaching the bottom of Diaz's every short story.” (Sidhu) Diaz also uses images with characters and uses the languages to prove the lack of respect for the system from the characters themselves.

The first story in the book is titled “Ysrael” and is the one that introduces us to Yunior our main character and narrator throughout the whole book, character who carry the weight of the Dominican society in its shoulders, a fatherless child with little hope on his future or almost none at all, weight which is represented by his brother, Rafa, also his companion. We can notice how Rafa roughly treats his young brother because of all Yunior’s complaints “…he had about five hundred routines he liked to lay on me. Most of them had to do with my complexion, my hair, the size of my lips. It’s the Haitian, he’d say to his buddies. Hey señor Haitian, Mami found you in the border and only took you in because she felt sorry for you.” (Diaz 5) said Yunior referring to his brother, line as well that relate much to me being also a Dominican that had an older brother which did mostly the same to me, with things just like those. In “Ysrael” Yunior and Rafa set themselves in an adventure to hound Ysrael, a kid that had his face eaten by a pig when he was a child and then covered his deformity behind a mask when he grew up, more than a person Ysrael was a tool used by the author, an image, that represents the life of Yunior and Rafa in the Dominican Republic, with his grotesquely disfigured face Ysrael gives you an idea about the forlorn life of the two brothers in the Dominican Republic. You can tell the relation between the characters because of the fact that both of their parents were living in the United States and by coincidence in the same state, New York.

The keywords that I can recognize from the first story are mainly; Fatherless childhood and ignorance, keywords which symbolize the life of Yunior while he was living at Dominican Republic, and he hated. Lines like “Our father only sent us letters and an occasional shirt or pair of jeans at Christmas” (Diaz 16) were the ones that represented the creation of a fissure in the relation of Yunior with his father.

In “Fiesta, 1980” Diaz set us with the same characters but already moved in to the USA and also we have the first appearance of Ramón, Yunior’s dad or Papi, in the book after just mentioning him in “Ysrael.” From this story we get to know more about the family and the actual relationship of Yunior with his dad. We also get to know much about the Dominican society, because he clearly states the Dominican machismo in Ramón and as well the infidelity that Ramón has going on with the “Puerto Rican woman”. The machismo we can tell from Yunior statements “I didn’t dare glance at him. Papi was old-fashioned; he expected your undivided attention when you were getting your ass whupped. You couldn’t look him in the eye either—that wasn’t allowed. Better to stare at his belly button, which was perfectly round and immaculate. Papi pulled me to my feet by my ear.” (Diaz 26) And we also get to know Yunior’s mother or Mami, which was pretty quiet and also Yunior’s protector because when Ramón was beating him up she said “Ya, Ramón, ya. It’s not his fault” (Diaz 26). Diaz many times used malice, lack of concern and toughness in male characters just like William R. Alford stated in his commentary towards “Drown”;

“Upon reading the repeated references to cruelty and indifference by the male characters [and the corresponding meekness of the females] in Drown, a series of related questions arose: Was Diaz consciously providing stereotypical male figures for dramatic effect or was he betraying his own hostility toward men in general [and fathers in particular]? Did Diaz have an agenda in consistently portraying men in this way?” (Alford)

The fatherless childhood of Yunior affected him a lot because his father left to the United States and he never got an explanation why his dad left to the United States and he always felt that he was waiting on the accomplishment of a dream but while he was waiting onto that dream to come true he was “Aguantando” word which stands for sustaining and is one of the story of the book. He was sustaining for his father absence and for the fact that he was waiting for his dad to come back and take them, himself and his family, to the United States. Yunior most of the time daydreamed about his dad going back to the Dominican Republic, and he also, in his dream, was expecting his dad to be a well dressed and wealthy gentleman we can tell because of his statements in the lines “A man with swinging hands and eyes like mine. He’d have gold on his fingers, cologne on his neck, a silk shirt, good leather shoes” (Diaz 87).

In “Aguantando” we can tell that conditions of the family in the Dominican Republic were terrible. In view of the fact that the only one monetarily sustaining the family was the mother and she couldn’t do much they were poor. In fact Yunior tells throughout the whole story how poor they were “We didn’t eat rocks but we didn’t eat meat or beans either. Almost everything on our plates was boiled: boiled yuca, boiled platano, may with a piece of cheese or a shred of bacalao.” (Diaz 70) ever since the Dominican Republic is one of the main producers of yucca and banana [plátano] worldwide is really inexpensive to get it from the flee market but is very unsafe as well because none of this products are industrially processed or hygienic when they come from flee markets. The consequence of that was the “annual case of worms” (Diaz 71).

Diaz throughout some of the stories in his book uses first-person narrator and in some of them this narrator is observing, studying and commenting others we may see that in “No Face, “Aurora” and “Boyfriend”. In “Boyfriend” the narrator is just simply eavesdropping on a couple that live in the floor below him; he does not know the names of the couple so he refers to them as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. Diaz uses this story to establish one of his main themes throughout the book which is how Yunior saw men treating women as an object and just like his brother, Rafa, did in “Ysrael” telling him everything about women and how to use them, also when his dad cheated on her mom furthermore when “boyfriend” mistreated “girlfriend”. Throughout “Boyfriend” Diaz explain how the girl let “boyfriend” manipulates her, and this showed the weakness of the female gender. “He just needed space to cheat space to cheat. Fine, he said, but every time he went for the door she got to crying and would be like, Why are you doing this?” (Diaz 111)

“No Face” the book’s penultimate story is apparently a continuation of “Ysrael” although no name is given is simply sure is the same character but this time this character has many interpretations since his a flight of the imagination, a superhero with a mask which “has his power of INVISIBILITY and no one can touch him” (Diaz 155). The character is a representation of how people are obligated to put themselves out of sight from society when they do not act in accordance with the society expectations. “No Face” himself wants to escape from Dominican Republic therefore his looking forward to go “up north” (Diaz 157) referring to the United States.

In conclusion the book is mainly about how immigrants see themselves “Drown” in to the image of the American dream or illusion and what they go thru before deciding between Mami or Papi which are images that represent which culture to stand for, the American culture [Papi] or your own culture [Mami] what we can also name as identity. This is what I read between lines because it’s what most affected me of the book, since I moved to the United States not so long ago and I’m going thru the same identity issue. We can also outline that this book is clearly autobiographical but also fictional. In an interview Diaz responded the question “Your collection of short stories, basically it is deeply autobiographical and fictional at the same time?” saying “…for me it was important to excavate my life because I spent like all these years in school in the states where thye didn’t value my experiences at all… not valued in the material, not valued in what was being represented in the literature so I went after that I went after those experiences in my whole life, but what ends up happening that the demands of a good story, what they end up doing is they modify things, change things, shape things, play certain things up, play certain things down, so by the time you’re done, the shit is unrecognizable. You know what I’m saying – I feel the basic element is there but many of the details have changed you know.” Diaz clearly states that his life became fiction while he was writing the book and editing it.


Bibliographic References:

Alford, William. "Junot Diaz's Drown -- Sex, Race and Power." UTOPIA UNMASKED. 10 Feb. 2005 .
Diaz, Junot. Drown. Canada: Riverhead, 1996.
Diaz, Junot. Personal interview. 1 Apr 2002.
Sidhu, Rupneet. Drown - Junot Diaz. 02 Feb. 2005 .
Spillman, Robert. 05 Sept 1996. 02 Feb 2005 .

5.05.2008

5 de mayo! (Not Mexico independence day)

GET SHITFACED DRUNK!

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!
Use condoms!
and enjoy yet another day to get drunk
and have sex with random people for no reason!

Provoking my demise

Suddenly I panicked! My eyes begin to blackout my reasoning is just not effective; I am completely disoriented, tasteless and senseless. Fear entangle all my senses and makes me want to retreat and not push on, I am tired of pushing. I’ve been fearless for such a long time and now I’m scare shitless of everything. Even waking up or going to sleep. Is this when I go shit nuts praying to God for a light? Is this when I cry myself to sleep every night? Is this when I don’t feel like waking up everyday? I miss everything in my life yet I left it all behind. Will I get through this and achieve my goals or will I just provoke my demise and be a bummer maybe that is what I am most afraid of. Over-reacting is just one of the few signs of me being burnt out. I have only one addiction but I am looking for many more, maybe to numb myself.

Confusion, fear is just another part of life, but indeed fear is failure. These are not my last words. But I am scare and maybe provoking my demise. I am just left bewildered and confused it sucks, being incapable of thinking with clarity or even acting intelligently

A scratch? Oh please.

A scratch is nothing; It’s plural give it a whole other level. There are tracks, scars, tears and marks but nothing absolutely nothing like scratches. They can be deep and painful, oh so so so agonizing. You can clear tracks, scratches are the mother of scars, and you can even wipe tears and erase marks. But scratches just linger with a savory painful moment that will just make it atrocious. I don't like them, but I do love myself and they made me. In the end is all about being happy isn’t it? Scratches from mistakes should not be regrets. A scratch is nothing. Scratches are experience and love it or hate it, is life.

7.27.2006

SORPRESA!

Les digo luego... podria poner en peligro la esencia de mi sorpresa :)

7.17.2006

3ra Guerra Mundial?


Para aquellos que han estado perdidos en el tiempo y espacio (comiendomierda), le doy un resumen, con mucho background para que sepan de que hablo, y puedan ver de donde vengo con mi punto de vista :) sobre la crisis en el medio oriente.


Desde 1949 Israel ha estado en plena guerra, principalmente contra los árabes vecinos, dígase Irán, Siria y el Líbano, esta guerra mayormente por diferencias religiosas y seguida por querer un espacio de tierra en el mundo (nótese no soy experto en historia, quizás este hablando mierda, pero es lo que tengo entendido de lo que he estudiado, leído y discutido). Y desde ese entonces dichos países han estado en un tira-y-jala. Si, suena ilógico, 3 contra 1? Bueno lo que pasa es que mis queridos israelitas tienen un aliado invencible, Superman, mas conocido como Estados Unidos! Es complicado y muy delicado el tema, pues poca gente entiende la relación y el porque de Estados Unidos estar aliado a Israel, mis razones son simples pero difíciles de probar, no.1 Mientras Israel este de pie, habrá guerra, mientras haya guerra, habrá venta de armas, mientras haya ventas de armar, los ricos de harán mas ricos y los pobres se harán menos, matándose uno al otro.

NOTA : Si usted ha visto Munich, refiérase a la película para entender un poco mas, donde once atletas israelíes fueron asesinados por árabes en las olimpiadas de 1972 celebradas en Munich. Y si no la haz visto, que esperas?



Todo “ibano bien”, sin tomar en cuenta unos cuantos hombres bombas, o kamikazes, que asesinaban cientos de inocentes, miles de presos de guerra(refiérase a la primera línea del 2do párrafo) debido a que Israel había abandonado parte del Líbano que tenia militarizada (invadida) en el año 2000.

Aquí es donde salen a relucir los Hezbollah, o Partido de Dios, un partido político árabe que fue radicado debido a la invasión de Israel en el Líbano en 1981, con ayuda financiera de Irán, comandado por sacerdotes musulmanes. El principal motivo de su creación fue crear resistencia a la ocupación israelí, lo cual lo hizo una milicia, después con el tiempo su principal motivo era destruir el estado gubernativo de Israel, por lo daños hecho a los árabes. El mismo partido con el tiempo se integro a labores sociales y humanitarias en el Líbano.

¡OKEY, si ya se que están HARTOS!

Hace 6 días, se armo la de Troya, en unos de los tantos tira-y-jala a papa Israel, como me gusta llamarle, le secuestraron 2 bebes, ¡digo…! soldados, y lanzo un ataque masivo contra el Líbano destruyendo gran parte de la infraestructura incluyendo el único aeropuerto internacional en Beirut, y matando cientos de civiles, el gobierno del Líbano cual no tiene mucho control sobre Hezbollah inmediatamente pide ayuda a la ONU, sin embargo la ONU no ofrece ayuda inmediatamente porque papa Bush se oponía, y decía que lo culpables eran Irán y Siria por apoyar a Hezbollah, sin embargo cientos y cientos de personas están muriendo porque papa Bush se opone a intervenir cuando realmente se necesita, todos los países del G8 menos Inglaterra y Estados Unidos, concluyen que Israel esta sobreactuando, y esto ha terminado en una crisis, el temor de la 3ra guerra mundial es que Israel esta acusando a Siria y a Iran de suplir armas a Hezbollah y con las acusaciones amenaza con atacar, y bueno, sabra Dios lo que pasaria, porque supongo que superman defendería a Israel, pero nadie sabe, Estados Unidos tiene fama de bulteros, como le hicieron al mismo Israel en 1958, cuando Israel ayudo en una intervención en el Líbano de los Estados Unidos, que buscaba “preservar la seguridad”, Israel se vio en peligro y Estados Unidos ni miro por ahí…

Por cierto, miren porque yo siempre decia que Hipolito y Bush se parecen :P

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